omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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