id be glad to
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
