The maid of honor just puked.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
