Your face is a jimmy john
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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