I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
