Only a mothe r could love this liver
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
