6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
