Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Randomize
