Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
