But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
