as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
