I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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