Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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