i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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