when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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