apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
