The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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