i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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