tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
