I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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