my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
