Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
