Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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