Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
