the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
