i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
