When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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