Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
