Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
