Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
