My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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