plz talk dirty to me
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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