Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
grandma shit on top of the toilet
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
