make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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