If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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