can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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