just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
