dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
FUCK WHALES
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize