there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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