His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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