Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
