and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He better not be in your backpack
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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