Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize