On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Randomize
