his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
