It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
