Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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