dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
