i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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