how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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