I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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