the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
