What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
