he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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