Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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