You can't special order awesome
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
