Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
accomplished twins. life is a go
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
