I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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