dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
