The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Of course I have a pirate flag
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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