I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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