Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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