I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dignity is for republicans.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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