I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Sext me about skeletons
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
