You're completely useless in the revolution.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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