that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
