haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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