Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i wish my penis had a tongue
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
