I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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