when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
