drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
