that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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