He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
