his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i've created a new STD.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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