So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
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I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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